3rd strike and I'm out

I miss you so much.

It hurts every time I think of you or see your name on my timeline and it's killing me how our love is such a huge ego. I do want to be the first one to say "hye" but every time as I'm about to press 'send', my whole body starts to shake, and I would think a thousand times about it but end up not sending the message because I'm scared id regret it, however, I'm slowly regretting not talking to him. One word; dilemma!

I guess this is it. This is the end of everything. I would like to thank you so much for being there for me at every events, making sure I'm alright all night, dealing with my insecurities from time to time. Thank you so much for the experience. Thank you for letting me doing all these crazy stuffs. Thank you for accepting me for who I am. Thank you for loving me.

I think I'm scared of falling because I fell too hard because. I've been there and eventually everyone else will. Falling in love is something sweet and beautiful and all that but once you're broken, you can't accept love the way you did before.

I guess we both fall in love to fast
I'll see you some time around, my dearest friend.
I'll always remember you and I love you.

I don't know who you are any more. You complaint about me a lot lately. You said I push too much. You said you want a healthy relationship.

I know I complaint too much, but now since I can't, I'm just gonna blog.

So many thoughts in my head, it's killing me inside.
I'm hating my family for not trying to understand me.
I HAVE A FUCKED UP LIFE.
I've got no friends, no sister, a fucked up boyfriend. Even though I have my mum, she still wouldn't want to be my sister.
You guys can't mock me everyday without knowing the real sister.

If I'm not a muslim, I would've commit suicide.

I really hate my life. Nothing seems right.
I only have my dad & only him.

Why wont you bbm me? Are you even interested to talk to me? I swear every time I get mad over you not bbm-ing me, it feels like I'm forcing you to talk to me. Yet, it feels exactly how you force me to love you. Is it really a big of a deal?

I swear you've changed so so so much & every time I tried to confront you, you fight back. So I guess, I'll just..blog about you.
"I'm strong, I'm strong, I'm strong" , those are the words I whisper to myself every night. As much as how much I want to end this relationship, you won't let me go. But then, why treat me like shit?

Remember that you told me how would you treat me if you're cheating on me? You're doing it right now.
If you're fed up with me, just let me go because I'm fed up.
There's nothing to hold on to.

This is the first i've ever blogged this long because I know this time I'm not gonna work anything out any more. It's your turn now. You don't want to bbm me? Fine, don't even talk to me at all.
I'm sick of depending on you to change back to the old you. I guess it won't happen.

Is it a monthly thing to buat hal?
I AM SO SICK OF EVERYTHING I SWEARRRR!
I just can't wait the day you'd ever let me go.

You're becoming someone who's so different. 
The way you talk to me, the way you treat.
I get it, you've new friends but they're only your friends. I've been your girlfriend for over a year, why make them your priority? 


I hate it, I hate it when every time you didn't realise you're wrong till I burst out then only you beg for me. I hate it when you laugh whenever I'm mad. What am I to you? 
I'm mad when I'm mad. I don't joke around.

  I swear crying over you felt really stupid. I can always get a better guy. Always.

I'm feeling so lonely in your company.
I thought I made it clear that you're grounded on that futsal thing but yet you're there, with your friends, ignoring me. Well, look, I've no idea what the fuck is wrong with you but I'm fucking pissed. I'm so annoyed by you. Why can't we just break up? I don't need you, I don't need your lies, I don't need your meaningless promises. I just want to be all by myself and be happy. Yes, I'm not happy.
I've never felt this way before, I've never felt so trapped. Wanting us to be over but you won't let go of me. Why can't you treat me well? Why?
At least my ex treated me well.

Do you love me? That is something I'm dying to know. you've got in to college in 8 days; I'm crying every night but I think I should keep it to myself.
Our anniversary is in 7 days & all I can say is ... probably nothing. I'm not sure why I'm not happy bout it. In fact, I feel like throwing this relationship away.  I don't know whether the way you treat me, the way you lie to me, the way you do your annoyed face to me, I don't know, but whatever it is, I want to give up on us.
I don't know what is the point of you being with me, I don't. All those promises aren't meant to broken y'know?


I know that we've made promises on our future, get married & stuffs but after being in a relationship with you for a year, I'm not sure I can make it up to you. Sooner or later, I'm pretty sure I can't make it up to you.
All I ask for you not to lie to me, do what as you promise, because right now, I wish I've never met you, back in 2010. Worse, I think of my ex, because I fell deep for him & it's not impossible for me to think of him whenever you're acting like an ass.
I'm tired, I'm tired of saying i'm tired. Tired of this, of us, of trying & crying.
I'm not even looking forward to our anniversary, all I want is us to be over.